After being interviewed by the school administration,
the eager teaching prospect said, "Let me see if I've got
this right. You want me to go into that room with all
those kids and fill their every waking moment with a love
for learning.
And I'm supposed to instill a sense of pride in their
ethnicity, modify their disruptive behavior, observe them
for signs of abuse and even censor their T-shirt
messages and dress habits.
"You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually
transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for
weapons of mass destruction, and raise their
self-esteem.
"You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizen-
ship, sportsmanship, and fair play, how and where to
register to vote, how to balance a checkbook, and how
to apply for a job.
"I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe
environment, recognize signs of antisocial behavior,
offer advice, write letters of recommendation for
student employment and scholarships, encourage
respect for the cultural diversity of others, and, oh
yeah, always make sure that I give the girls in my class
50 per cent of myattention.
"My contract requires me to work on my own time after
school and evenings grading papers. Also, I must spend
my summer vacation at my own expense, working toward <
advanced certification and a Master's degree. And on
my own time you want me to attend committee and
faculty meetings, all PTA meetings, and to participate in
staff-development training.
"I am to be a paragon of virtue, larger than life, such
that my very presence will awe my students into being
obedient and respectful of authority.
"And I am to pledge allegiance to family values and this
current administration.
"You also want me to incorporate technology into the
learning experience, monitor web sites, and relate
personally with each student. That includes deciding who
might be potentially dangerous and/or liable to commit a
crime in school.
"I am to make sure all students pass the state
mandatory exams, even those who don't come to school
regularly nor complete any of their assignments.
"Plus, I am to make sure that all of the students with
handicaps get an equal education regardless of the
extent of their mental or physical handicap.
"And I am to communicate regularly with the parents by
letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.
"All of this I am to do with just a piece of chalk, a
computer, a few books, a bulletin board, a big smile,
AND on a starting salary that qualifies my family for
food stamps!
"You want me to do all of this...
and you expect me NOT TO PRAY?"
