My Second Chance
~ ~ Julie Dyer ~

From the moment I discovered the lump, my life was
never the same. It happened in November 2000 right before
Thanksgiving. I felt the lump while taking a shower and
the next day I called my doctor. I noticed the look of
concern on his face when he scheduled me for a mammogram.
The lump was easily detected by the mammogram and I was
then taken across the hall to the ultrasound room. The
technician wouldn't answer any of my questions and I
knew she was leaving that up to my doctor. He told me
the mass was solid and I needed a biopsy as soon as
possible. The surgery was scheduled for the 30th of
November. I survived the surgery with very little
pain or discomfort.

On December 5th, my doctor called me at home to tell
me that the tumor was malignant -- at that point,
the room went blank. I felt this strangling, choking
feeling…..that I had to get air. At this point I can't
remember what happened…….I know I must've sat for
twenty minutes with the phone frozen to my hand…..I
called my mom who was waiting for the results too and
all I could do was cry and she knew. The doctor arranged
for me to meet him the next day at the hospital for the
portacath procedure. It was a simple procedure and
afterwards, I was introduced to the man who would be
in control of my life. He's agentle, soft-spoken man
and I liked him from the very start. He explained the
regimen he had planned for me and at that point, I simply
put my life into his hands.

Days later I began to regroup. The shock of surgery,
finding cancer and it's painful aftermath, had siderailed
my life. I knew chemotherapy and radiation would confine
my life a bit, but I was determined to keep working.
Cancer had become an inconvenience, a minor glitch in
my plans, but it was not going to rule my life.

My first chemo treatment was on the 12th day of December
and exactly 13 days later on Christmas day……my hair started
to fall out. A part of my soul went with every strand. My
daughter shaved my head the next day and I'm not sure who
cried the hardest -- she or I. At one point, in a feeble
attempt to stay in control, I told my daughters I was sorry
that cancer had ruined our Christmas and I promised them
that next year would be better. But it never entered my
mind how terrified they must have been of losing me.

I tolerated the chemo very well -- it seemed to be gentle
with me and I always felt a bit guilty when there were so
many sick ones around me in the therapy room. I took my
treatments every three weeks for five months and continued
to work full time. Once the chemotherapy stopped, my
radiation treatments began. My chest was tattooed with
little black dots so that the nozzle of the radiation
machine lined up exactly with my tumor. The walls of the
room were two feet thick and although the technicians were
very nice, explaining every adjustment they made, I was
terrified. From the minute they closed the vault-like door
behind them, it was all I could do not to run behind them,
screaming.

As suddenly as cancer started, my treatments ended. It was
August (2001) and though I would continue to see my doctors
every three months, it felt as though an umbilical cord had
been cut. My hair began to grow back and although I looked
like Sinead O'Connor, the very fact that there was fuzz on my
head signaled the beginning of my rebirth. Slowly the fatigue
lifted, and I knew I needed to start tackling the many issues
that faced me as a cancer survivor.

There had been no formal exit from sick to well, no instruction
sheet on what to do next with my life. Cancer was my "trial by
fire". In surviving it, I had learned many precious lessons.
Perhaps one of the most important: Staying alive is just the
initial challenge; living with the consequences of the disease
and therapy becomes a lifelong responsibility. As I reflect
back over the past four years,I can honestly say with conviction
that I have much to be thankful for this year and every year after.

My cancer diagnosis was like a "tap on the shoulder" from
God -- he got my attention! I know what it's like "living on
a prayer". With God, I won the war against breast cancer and I
have slowly regained my health and I have been blessed with a
second chance. Slowly I begin to realize that my body may not look,
feel, or function exactly the way it did prior to my illness.
I have been reevaluating my relationships, my job, my goals and
even my sense of purpose. And on top of this comes the ever present
threat of recurrence. A fear that I'm sure stalks every cancer survivor.

I want women to know that they are not alone; that others share
their experiences, their thoughts and feelings. I think that each
breast cancer survivor has to struggle to regain the part of the
woman that she once was and work to accept the altered version.

There can be joy in beginning again -- an excitement that comes from
making every single minute count. If my story makes that happen for
just a few survivors who read it, I know I've done my job.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month - and awareness begins with
YOU - early detection greatly increases your odds of surviving breast
cancer. Know the risk factors, know the warning signs…..and check
yourself for lumps regularly and consider having a mammogram.

Julie Dyer copyright 2004 jkdyer30@hotmail.com

This is my first submission for 2theHeart. And as you can see, I've
been blessed with a second chance in life…..and I don't take that
blessing lightly - I thank God for each day he gives me! I live
in Indiana, have been a single parent for 20 years - my daughters
are on their own now, but usually come around about supper time.
My youngest daughter is a senior in college and my oldest daughter
gave me all rights to the grandma world when she gave me my precious
grandson. He's 2 and his birth signifies my rebirth - needless
to say…..he's my JOY. Please feel free to write with your thoughts
or comments.

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Music by
© Bruce DeBoer
Used with permission of the Artist

Made with love February 23, 2004