(Written for all those who have suffered abuse)
I sit here again like a small child,
Awakened by nightmares of the past.
It feels like there are three of me,
Each one more frightened than the last.
I feel so sorry for myself that I weep.
Poor little girl who wants to hide,
So frightened of the outside world,
Spending so much time inside.
Then there’s the social butterfly,
No one would ever even know,
All the sorrow and heartache,
She carries in a heart full of woe.
And lastly there’s the caring soul,
That everyone gets to see,
And no one would suspect at all,
That the other two are really me.
I wonder how do you forgive yourself?
Even if you had no hand in evil done?
How do you gain back your dignity?
How is stolen innocence undone?
It’s futile to block out searing pain,
In shadows of darkness, it creeps in again.
Alone and cowering in residual fright,
Past abuse and fear is hard to contain.
Constant denominator written in stone,
By the hand of the devil, my fate unknown.
I worry about how I will be judged for this,
I’ve been there before; it's just wearing thin.
Heartache seems to be my constant friend,
But for one release ~ my comforting pen.
Feelings flow like water from my mind,
I pen of the loneliness in my world once again.
Strong and resilient, I’ll see it through,
And be a better woman when I finally do.
The devil won this marker, I’m alone in this,
But he’ll never drag me down into his abyss.
I belong in Heaven, for I know I am good,
I am blameless in all this pain.
I know in time I will forgive myself,
Feel confidence and self-respect again.
I get tired of worrying, is it too late?
It gets so lonely here as I sit and wait.
I look after me and I do that job well,
For long ago I told the Devil to go to Hell!
© Mysteria
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