When in the Course of growing older, it becomes necessary
for one man to dissolve the cholesterol building up in his
arteries, partly because of fatty foods, but mostly because
of self-induced, media-induced and society-induced stress,
and to assume that among the powers of the earth, there
might be a separate and perhaps less trying state of mind
to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God wanted for
him all along, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind
requires that he should declare the causes which impel him
to shout, "You've got to be kidding me!"
I hold these truths to be self-evident, that life's not fair;
that most men (and women) are a little nuts; that only a
handful are truly well-endowed, and that some think our
Creator gave them certain Rights, when in fact, they are
Privileges that are most often earned by living a healthy
lifestyle and avoiding stupid behavior; that among these are
wealth with enough left over to cover dinner and a movie,
the respect of others, a decent career and a good night's
sleep. That to secure these fundamentals with as little work
as possible, some have bought into the "Get it Fast and Get
it Free" rules instituted among Men, deriving their hypnotic
powers from the consent of the media, the internet, the guys
down at the bar, and the absence of a good, objective
therapist. That whenever any Form of extreme Challenge or
Hard Luck befalls him and appears to be blocking the
attainment of these ends, it is somehow his Right to alter
or abolish good character and principles, and to institute
excuses and blame on someone or something other than himself.
In laying his ridiculous foundation on such principles and
organizing his warped thinking in such form, as to seem most
likely to lead to high blood pressure, sleepless nights,
dog-kicking, drive-by shootings or frivolous law suits, a
Renewing of the Mind is in order. Prudence, indeed, will
dictate that behavior and habits long established should
not be changed for light and transient causes if in fact,
they are serving you well; and accordingly all experience
has shown, that men are more disposed to suffer the
consequences of their self-destructive lifestyle, while
prescription drugs are available to mask the harm, than to
right themselves by abolishing the bad behavior and poor
judgment to which they are accustomed. But when a medical
chart full of headaches, ulcers and heart problems, pursuing
inevitably either institutionalization or an early burial,
evinces a design to reduce him to absolute Despair, it is
his right, it is his duty, to turn off CNN, sign-off on his
Dell, cease pissing and moaning, and instead provide a
Renewal for his future Sanity and Salvation by getting
down on his knees and turning to God in prayer.
Such has been the recurrent sufferance of my being, when
I get caught up in this nonsense; and such is now the
necessity, which constrains me to alter my lifestyle, get
my bad cholesterol below 200, melt the wrinkle in my brow,
smile more, and enjoy the rest of my life as a Christian in
spite of the ACLU, the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, France
and Michael Moore. My 42-year History has proven that
seeking short cuts to replace hard work and dedication is
a waste of time, 6-pack abs and a balanced diet minus
brainpower and morals will still lead to stomach ailments,
and most importantly, trying to "do the right thing" isn't
enough in and of itself if the Word of God is being ignored.
For Satan has One direct object: the establishment of an
absolute Tyranny over the Minds of Americans. To prove
this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world:
He has forbidden the passage of Federal Laws of immediate
and pressing importance, such as the Sanctity of Marriage
between a Man and a Women and the Outlawing of Abortion.
He has made Marriage in the United States something to Try
instead of a commitment to Keep.
He has called together a large segment of Hollywood, and
somehow made the voices of a few mediocre actors, an
overweight, scrubby Director, and some out-of-work comedians
appear more legitimate and trustworthy than a Statesmen like
Newt, an intellectual like Rush, a Man of the Cloth like
Billy, or independent, no-nonsense thinkers like Bork and
O'Reilly, for the sole purpose of fatiguing America into
complacency and the mindless beliefs that -- Freedom should
Cost us Nothing, if it Feels Good do It, and This Country
Owes Me.
He has dissolved the brain cells of our teens and young
adults with every conceivable illegal drug, and where these
have failed to addict and cripple gray matter, he has
instituted legalized parental drugging to “calm” the
behavior of their infant and adolescent posterity,
destroying their delicate senses and sending these young
minds into seclusion instead of to a local baseball camp,
a Boy or Girl Scout meeting or Sunday Morning Bible Study.
He has obstructed the Administration of Parental Justice
by punishing, jailing or taking their kids away, for
administering a spanking or a good, swift kick in the
pants on an unruly, disrespectful, underwear showing,
rapping, gun toting smart ass.
He has made homosexuality a source of "pride" while
calling for sympathy and public fundraising for the
AIDS being spread because of it.
He has filled the public airways with Gangsta Rap while
making Christian songs at a public school concert illegal.
He has made Paris Hilton an American Idol; has given a
lying infidel and former President his own library,
steroid-packed ball players an undeserved place in the
record books and OJ Simpson a pass.
He has made Santa and his reindeer nonfiction and the
Nativity Scene a cartoon; the public displays of the Ten
Commandments illegal and posters of Monkey-Become-Man
classroom pinups; the burning of an American Flag a right
and the Pledge of Allegiance a wrong.
For stay at home Dads and POW Moms;
For Dead Beat Dads and for Moms who drown their children
in bathtubs;
For Child Support instead of Marriage Counseling;
For Men of Sexual Abuse instead of Men of the Cloth;
For TV dinners instead of Family Meals;
For Chat Rooms and Instant Messages instead of Block
Parties and Talks Over the Back Yard Fence;
For Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas;
In every stage of this Dummying of America, my amazement
and fatigue has grown. Repeated Petitions for Freedom of
Religious Expression, Public Honor towards God, Sanctity
of Marriage, Sexual Morality, and all other Judeo-Christian
principles upon which this country was founded, have been
answered only by repeated Civil Liberties hogwash and
Liberal Judicial interference. A Prince of Darkness whose
character is thus marked by every act, which may define
Evil, is unacceptable as the ruling force of a free Society,
or at least this Free Man's heart and mind. I heretofore,
hold Satan up as my Public Enemy Number One.
I, therefore, as a Christian and a native citizen of these
United States of America, appealing to the Supreme Judge of
the world for the rectitude of my intentions, do, in the Name,
and by Authority of the Holy Bible in which I study,
solemnly publish and declare, that I am Free of all the
bondage into which this Great Country has been wrapped;
that I am Absolved from any and all Liberal Bias from the
Media, the ACLU, Hollywood and anyone else who wishes to
convince me that a Declaration of Honor for the American
Flag, Devotion to One Nation Under God and Reverence of
Jesus Christ as mypersonal Savior is politically incorrect.
That I have full Power to encourage prayer and the Pledge
of Allegiance in public schools, speak or write Merry
Christmas in all correspondences, both public and
private, say GOD bless you when someone sneezes, and to
do all other Acts and Things which Christian Americans
may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration,
with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence,
I pledge to Jesus Christ my Life, my Fortunes and my sacred Honor.
Dennis W. Anderson
January 26, 2005
