Abbott: Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?

Costello: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking of buying a computer.

Bud: Mac?

Lou: No, the name is Lou.

Bud: Your computer?

Lou: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

Bud: Mac?

Lou: I told you, my name is Lou.

Bud: What about Windows?

Lou: Why? Does it get stuffy?

Bud: Do you want a computer with Windows?

Lou: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?

Bud: Wallpaper.

Lou: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

Bud: Software that runs on Windows?

Lou: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?

Bud: Office.

Lou: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

Bud: I just did.

Lou: You just did what?

Bud: Recommended something.

Lou: You recommended something?

Bud: Yes.

Lou: For my office?

Bud: Yes.

Lou: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?

Bud: Office.

Lou: Yes, for my office.

Bud: Office for Windows.

Lou: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

Bud: Word.

Lou: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. But what program do I load?

Bud: Word.

Lou: What word?

Bud: The Word in Office.

Lou: The only word in office is office.

Bud: The Word in Office for Windows.

Lou: Which word in "office for windows?"

Bud: The Word you get when you click the blue W.

Lou: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet?

Bud: RealOne.

Lou: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. But what do I need to watch it?

Bud: RealOne.

Lou: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and four. Can I watch reel four?

Bud: Of course.

Lou: Great! With what?

Bud: RealOne.

Lou: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

Bud: You click the blue 1.

Lou: I click the blue one what?

Bud: The blue 1.

Lou: Is that different from the blue W?

Bud: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word.

Lou: What word?

Bud: The Word in Office for Windows.

Lou: But there's 3 words in "office for windows!"

Bud: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.

Lou: It is?

Bud: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words.

Lou: And that word is the real one?

Bud: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office.

Lou: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to help me track my money?

Bud: Money.

Lou: That's right. What do you have?

Bud: Money.

Lou: I need money to track my money?

Bud: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.

Lou: What comes bundled with my computer?

Bud: Money.

Lou: Money comes bundled with my computer?

Bud: Exactly. No extra charge.

Lou: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How much money do I get?

Bud: Just one copy.

Lou: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?

Bud: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money.

Lou: Microsoft can license you to make money?

Bud: Why not? They own it.

Lou: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?

Bud: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.

Lou: Well, what do you sell in its place?

Bud: Money.

Lou: You sell money?

Bud: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free.

Lou: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting?

Bud: Simply Accounting.

Lou: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.

Bud: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.

Lou: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?

Bud: Mind Your Own Business.

Lou: I beg your pardon?

Bud: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.

Lou: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know -- accounting? You do it with money.

Bud: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more.

Lou: More money?

Bud: More than Money. Money can't do everything.

Lou: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?

Bud: GoBack.

Lou: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend?

Bud: GoBack.

Lou: How many times do I have to repeat myself?

Bud: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack.

Lou: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go back.

What do I need to write a proposal?

Bud: Word.

Lou: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.

Bud: No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for Windows.

Lou: But there's three words in...Oh, never mind.

Bud: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they hang up on me? Oh, well. Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?